Tessa Jane has discovered herself in the mirror recently. It is the most delightful thing to watch. She greets her friend with a smile from ear to ear. Her little body stiffens up with excitement, her face lights up and turns into an expression that looks something like, "oh, oh!" She reaches out to her friend to touch her, she claps her hands, and occasionally they bonk heads. I set her on my bathroom counter nearly every morning while I am getting ready for the day so I can watch the eager exchange. A few thoughts some to mind as I watch her relish in herself. Firstly is, "Holy crap you're cute." And then sometimes I find myself casting hopes in her direction. Such as, I hope you look in the mirror and love yourself that much your whole life. I hope you find that same delight and smile when you wake in the morning ready to take on a new day. I hope the person looking back at you smiles big and is happy to see you too. I hope you greet yourself with the same confidence and personality every day of your life.
But I'm a girl too. And it hurts my heart to think the odds are high that some day she'll look in the mirror and not like what she sees. That she'll be critical of her darling little face and that sweet little body. I know some mornings she'll wake up and feel more, "Ugh." than "Oh, oh!" There are a few life reckoning thoughts, that while hard and undesirable to experience, I do hope she has. I am ok if one day she looks in the mirror and thinks, "You shouldn't have done that. You can do better." "You can do this today." "I need to take better care of myself." "You've made a mistake, what are you going to do to make it right?" Self-examination seems a necessary stride to become the best person we are capable of being. So long as it is done in a self nurturing and healthy way. I have wondered in my head and aloud with Wade, how as parents we teach that. How do we teach our children to have confidence? How do we teach them how to self examine in a positive way? How will they learn to like themselves, to believe they are capable of great things? And how do you teach them to right a wrong in a way they will not interpret as self criticism? It seems there is more to it than praise and encouragement. Helping Tessa find something she is good at and enjoys doing strikes me as significant. More significant seems making sure Wade and I are doing those very things ourselves. We need to be taking care of ourselves. She needs to never hear us say, "I'm fat, or I feel ugly." I find myself even holding my tongue when I am putting on my make up to not say, "Mommy's going to get pretty now." We need to be good examples of righting a wrong, saying sorry and turning mistakes into opportunities for growth. I pray each day that my love for her and my desire to be a good mom will magnify itself in the areas it most needs too. Most of me never wants her to struggle or feel less than, a large part of me never wants her to weep as a result of self disappointment. But deep down, when I do a little self examining of my own, I believe more of me wants her to fulfill the extraordinary potential that is hers and hers alone. More of me wants her to be a full and complete and empathetic human and I believe in order to do that, to be that, one must do things that are hard and that maybe result in us not liking ourselves for a day or two. As long as she can always come back to the mirror and smile again, and think she's pretty great stuff, than it's ok. I'm ok.
But I'm a girl too. And it hurts my heart to think the odds are high that some day she'll look in the mirror and not like what she sees. That she'll be critical of her darling little face and that sweet little body. I know some mornings she'll wake up and feel more, "Ugh." than "Oh, oh!" There are a few life reckoning thoughts, that while hard and undesirable to experience, I do hope she has. I am ok if one day she looks in the mirror and thinks, "You shouldn't have done that. You can do better." "You can do this today." "I need to take better care of myself." "You've made a mistake, what are you going to do to make it right?" Self-examination seems a necessary stride to become the best person we are capable of being. So long as it is done in a self nurturing and healthy way. I have wondered in my head and aloud with Wade, how as parents we teach that. How do we teach our children to have confidence? How do we teach them how to self examine in a positive way? How will they learn to like themselves, to believe they are capable of great things? And how do you teach them to right a wrong in a way they will not interpret as self criticism? It seems there is more to it than praise and encouragement. Helping Tessa find something she is good at and enjoys doing strikes me as significant. More significant seems making sure Wade and I are doing those very things ourselves. We need to be taking care of ourselves. She needs to never hear us say, "I'm fat, or I feel ugly." I find myself even holding my tongue when I am putting on my make up to not say, "Mommy's going to get pretty now." We need to be good examples of righting a wrong, saying sorry and turning mistakes into opportunities for growth. I pray each day that my love for her and my desire to be a good mom will magnify itself in the areas it most needs too. Most of me never wants her to struggle or feel less than, a large part of me never wants her to weep as a result of self disappointment. But deep down, when I do a little self examining of my own, I believe more of me wants her to fulfill the extraordinary potential that is hers and hers alone. More of me wants her to be a full and complete and empathetic human and I believe in order to do that, to be that, one must do things that are hard and that maybe result in us not liking ourselves for a day or two. As long as she can always come back to the mirror and smile again, and think she's pretty great stuff, than it's ok. I'm ok.
9 comments:
brillant thoughts. this parenting thing is quite the undertaking. glad to have you doing it with me.
Katelyn, I adore you. And Miss Tessa Jane. I think confident parents raise confident kids. You and Wade are going to be great.
You will be fine. You will feel the prompting, seize the perfect moment when your message will hit its truest mark. And Tessa will never quite remember what her parents said, but how she felt when they taught her. And she'll know that she IS the amazing daughter of God looking back at her from the mirror and that she was meant for greatness.
I had a moment recently with Janae that was true genius (in retrospect) but it wouldn't have happened had I not felt a prompting of what to say and seized the perfect moment. And in that moment, Heavenly Father taught mother and daughter another very important life lesson.
Always thoughtful. After spending just a few hours with you guys I look in the mirror differently, in a better light. I'm not even a girl. You three are great!
Tell Wade to keep riding, I am seriously looking into entering on a charity ticket. Take care.
One piece to a very large puzzle! Somedays it is slightly overwhelming, but... one day at a time, one foot in front of the other!
Such great words--i have said it before, you are such a wonderful writer! I am sure our parents worried the same thougths about their "little girls." It is hard to imagine that our children could ever think anything but perfect thoughts about themselves. Thank you for the reminder to keep working with them.
Well said! FYI... I am planning on sending Annie over to your house to play in those moments where motherhood is failing me. 'Cause you've got it down!
katelyn, you are amazing. honestly. tessa is going to grow up into the most amazing, confident, sharp young woman because of who her parents are. that was a beautiful post!
Seriously insightful. It's amazing how much planning and thought goes into this parenting thing. It makes me appreciate my parents more because I realize how much they must have worried and planned years ahead for me too. It's also cool that it makes me want to be better so that he sees me doing the things I teach him and feeling confident about myself so he learns to be confident too.
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