Dear Tessa Jane,

Hey little bugga. I wanted to write you a little letter so when you're 14 and mega mad at me, you can read this and know I love you like crazy. You can still be mad, so long as you know I love you like crazy. You turned one a few weeks ago and I didn't want too much time to go by without me recording a few of my thoughts concerning this big milestone in our families lives.

You, daddy and I went to the Dr. last Friday for your big one year checkup. You're still a little peanut.

18 lbs 7 oz. (25%)
27 inches (10%)

You're about a head shorter than many of your friends. And when people see you cruising around they always comment about how small you look to be walking. Lucky you, you're petite. I think your shortyness is cute. You still fit in some of your 6 months clothes. You have tiny feet too, you're still wearing some shoes that are 0-6 months. You do have some of me in you :) The doctor says you are healthy and progressing just as you should. You never crawled, it never interested you much as you never grew to have any affection for being on your tummy. You're walking by yourself...when you want. You do a lot of things on your terms, when you're ready. A character trait I imagine is going to accompany you your whole life. You love to walk in between Daddy and I. We do this every night when dad gets home from work and you think it's a fun game. Speaking of daddy getting home from work...you LOVE your daddy. You know when you hear the door open around 6 o'clock it's your dad. You whip your head around and say, "Daa" with a smile that's nearly too big for your face. This makes your daddy light up from ear to ear. He loves you like crazy too, you know.

You can say a few words regularly, in context. Ma, and Da. Uh-oh. Wass at? (What's that?) Whoa. Wook. (Book) And a few others that come and go like, no, dah (dog), ok and whatever you repeat after mom or dad say it. You jabber ALOT! While you read your books, in the car seat, in your crib, when you're talking to me telling me something that is a really big deal, or seems to be. I love your jabbers, that little noise and your little voice makes my insides smile. You're beginning to shriek when you get excited or think something is funny. It is a happy, happy sound. It could be bottled up and sold as an anti-depressant along with your giggle.

Your memory is starting to work pretty well. You remember what you like, you remember certain pictures on certain pages, certain songs and certain gestures to certain songs. Just the other day while we were driving in the car practicing "Wheels on the Bus" you put your tiny little finger up to your mouth and started saying, "Shhh, Shhh, Shh." Dad and I about fell off our chairs it was so blasted cute. You have been shushing us ever since. You go ahead and enjoy that while we still think it's funny. You remember faces of your friends, which snacks are delicious and which are not. You know what you like and what you don't and have little interest in wasting your time with those things you don't. Perhaps another trait that will follow you around as you grow.

You have a love affair with your books. We recently moved them to the bottom shelf of a book case in the family room so you can access them whenever you want, and you do, a couple of times a day. You pull them ALL off and set them in a big pile all around you. You pick one up, read through it, flip the pages, lift the flaps, feel the textures, sometimes bounce if you know it's a sing-songy one, and then you toss it aside and pick up another one. Sometimes I watch you from a distance as you read aloud. Sometimes I giggle because you will be reading one, pointing, really into it and it's totally upside down. Dang that is funny. I hope you will love books your whole life.

You love to be outside. This is an attribute that has remained unchanged from birth. You are always happy outside, whether it's walking to the mailbox, playing in the pool or in the sand, in your stroller or hiking in the backpack with mom. You just love it. You love to watch and point at birds and dogs, trees and flowers. You are most content outside. So am I baby.

Everyone says you look like your daddy. You do. Sometimes I wish you looked more like me, but what do you do? I'm glad you and your daddy have that in common. Your eyes are blue as blue can be and will be a great tool of manipulation as you grow should you choose to use them as such. Your hair is getting blonder and longer and crazier. I like it when it's wild. You're starting to thin out with all your motion, it makes me and daddy a little sad to see your baby chub go, but you're still squishy enough. I love your little leggies and bum the most. And your fingers, especially when you start pointing it everywhere. And your lippies. You learned to give kisses recently and well, that is just the BEST.

You love the water. In any form. Pool, sink, bath, ocean or fountain. You prefer it to dry land and wish always to be in it. If you must be on dry land, you like to be on it dancing. You'll start bouncing or head bobbing or hip shaking anytime you hear a tune. Music CD's, primary, mom, toys. You love to shake your groove thang.

You have a sweet tooth, and most often prefer fruit above all other things. You wave bye, bye, clap your hands and point your finger to direct and or to suggest you've found something interesting. You are an observer, watching and looking all the time, often times checking things out carefully before jumping in. You are a social being, love being around others, especially kids, especially if they're around your same size.

Sometimes I allow myself to wonder what life would be like if you weren't around. If dad and I had decided to fore go the experience and opportunity of you. It's hard to even imagine really. You make us complete. You fill a spot we didn't even know was there, but would now feel entirely too big and empty if you weren't around to take it up. You're falling down a lot these days, ending up bumped and bruised. Sometimes we're tough and brush it off, sometimes I scoop you up and kiss it all better and give squeezes until it's all better. Each time I feel sad, so does your dad, when you get hurt and when you're sad. Heaven help us when you break a bone, or get stitches or get bullied. Our heart strings are affixed tightly to yours, pulled taut. We mourn each stage left behind knowing it won't come again. We know you won't want to hold our hand forever, or kiss us every time we ask. But the phase that follows brings more delight and more joy and makes me eager to watch you grow and progress and evolve into the little person you were meant to be. You motivate me to be my best self; more patient and empathetic, stronger and kinder, more adventurous and more thoughtful. You're good for me kiddo. I love you like crazy buggy bear, bundley bubbles, hunky punky, butter buns. Here's to one.

Love, Mama