Who Fa-reakin Cares?

Here's a question for the ages.

Why do we care what other people think? Why do we allow it to affect our decision making? Our self worth and self confidence? Are we so steeped in brand recognition and materialism because we feel the need to impress others, or to win others approval? At what point does it become paralyzing? And why do we feel the need to conform? Philosophize with me for a moment...

The other day I was walking out of Target and there was a guy out front soliciting customers to sign a petition to get the subject of legalizing marijuana on the ballot. He approached me, asking for my signature and I responded I'd need a little more education before I felt comfortable signing. We talked for about 5 minutes while he'll eliminated some of my ignorance and I asked some questions. If the issue actually does end up on the ballot, I would still need some questions answered and substantial evidence backing up the initiative's argument, but at this point I am not entirely against the idea and I ultimately ended up signing his petition. Just as I was doing so, a lady from my church was walking into Target...yeah. We exchanged friendly hello's, she walked into the store and I walked to my car. I immediately started thinking over and over in my head, "Crap. Sister X just saw me signing a petition to legalize a federally banned substance!" "Why didn't you just say no thanks and walk away." "Sister X is going to think I am a crazy liberal." (Which according to some, I may be.) And then as I get home and am still festering over it, I think to myself, "WHO FA-REAKING CARES?!" I felt completely justified in my actions, they were deliberate and I could engage in a discussion about my decision if needed. So why for the next hour was I turned upside down because someone had seen me make a decision that perhaps they would not have made? Why was I so worried about what she thought about my political decisions?

You'll be happy to know I'm over it. But it really got me thinking about the whole subject of what others think and how it affects us. Orange County is a very material driven society. It is largely conservative and wealthy. A large part of the population drives Mercedes, voted for McCain and wears Juicy. Would I like a Mercedes SUV and a few more sweat suits? Absolutely. Do I feel at times that I am majorly schlepping it my VW wagon? Yes. Does it ruin my day? No.

We are definitely tribal, social animals. To be our best selves we need to be around others. It makes us happy, it helps us to grow, we learn and develop interests, talents and abilities. We see what happens to people who are isolated from all other human interaction. I.e. the Unabomber, children who neglected from birth. I know, a bit extreme, but they become incredibly introverted, paralyzed and eventually crazy. By not caring are we worse off? Do we care so much so we can be accepted into these social groups? Do we conform a little so we are not the outsiders?

I felt sometimes while living in UT, that desire to conform (or too not) was even stronger, one of my reasons for wanting a new experience, somewhere else. In a fairly homogeneous culture I felt kind of torn, between conforming, or setting myself very much apart. I feel like I have the self confidence and life experience now to really do neither. But there was a time when I was younger where I struggled with that. My dad encouraged us our whole lives to "get out", experience somewhere new and to test our value system. Perhaps his life experience had taught him to know that figuring yourself out is maybe easier to do when everyone around you is not exactly like you. I don't know. There is something to be said for having to defend your beliefs and opinions. There is also something to be said for the comfort and strength that come with being surrounded by your own. Where you develop a thicker skin, more self confidence, less self doubt is perhaps up to you, or the home you grew up in.

I don't know why we care so much. But we do, we definitely do, and if you say you don't, you are lying. Or you're on track to become the next Unabomber, in which case I sincerely apologize if I've offended you. What I am coming to embrace I suppose is that it's ok. It's ok if it pushes you to be better, if it helps you take better care of yourself, if it teaches you to be self-disciplined, even if it is the conduit to a new friendship or inner circle. When it's not ok is when your concern with others perceptions begins to make your decisions for you.

So who fa-reakin cares? I do. But just a little bit.