On my mind

1. Bode is almost 4 weeks old. Holy smokes, where is the time going? Where ever it's going, it's going there way to fast and I basically hate it. On the other hand, I am feeling extraordinarily better. In the past week I have finally started to feel like my old self again. It doesn't hurt to sit down, I don't have an anxiety attack everytime I need to go numero 2, I'm off the pain meds, adjusting to less sleep and am saying hello to some clothes I haven't seen for awhile.

2. On the subject of clothes...Satuday night me, the Mister and the little Mister went our for a little Valentine date and while out Wade bought me a Valentine, a new skirt from Anothropologie that is to die for. One little catch...it doesn't fit. Yet. Well, I acutally don't know that for sure as I haven't tried it on, but I'm fairly confident it doesn't. I have never done this before, bought something that doesn't fit, and using it as incentive to lose some pounds, but this skirt deserved an exception. Please bless I don't have to return it.

3. Tessa is having a rough transistion. Her little world has been turned on it's head and she's trying her hardest to turn it right back. My heart breaks for her, it is hard and sad to watch her struggle, while simultaneosly, totally exasperating. I have been asked a few times how the adjustment to two is going and I think it would be going fine if she were fine. Her struggle manifests itself in several different ways. An increase is sassyness, indignance, and tantrums. A refusal to wear or eat this or that. And perhaps most tiresome for her parents, a hell of a time staying in bed at night. Her disposition is naturally sweet, spunky, but sweet. Which makes this all the harder to watch. I think when she is being nice to her brother, it is because she is genuinely trying. I know she won't have to work so hard at it forever, but like most difficulties in life, I'm searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. I want her so much to love and adore him. Bless her heart.

(our barbaric attempt to keep her in room at night)

4. I too, am in the midst of my own transition. Now that I am feeling better and more like myself, I feel I am catching my stride a bit more, but it has been very hard for me to know how to divide my time and attention so that both my children are getting enough from me. Whenever I am with one, I am often feeling guilty, or bad that the other is being neglected or ignored. Unfortunately, I am gathering that this motherhood ride involves a fair amount of self-imposed guilt or the feeling that you're falling short. I want nothing more than to be a great mom and wife. I am assuming this too will work itself out and I will come to strike a happy balance that both me and and kids are ok with. I keep reminding myself that I never felt cheated or ignored or neglected by my mom. Just the opposite actually, she was always there and present when I needed her. And she had 4.

5. I have discussed the following phenomenon with a few friends, so I know I'm not the only crazy one. But I remember after Tessa was born that all of my shirts seemed to have shrunk, become shorter and some like belly shirts almost. I remember being so annoyed, because they fit fine everywhere else, and I had lost the weight but all these shirts didn't fit. Well, it's happening again and I have figured it out. When you're prego, your ribs expand to create room for all your organs to be shoved up higher into your rib cage. And like the rest of you, this isn't instantly returned to normal after the baby comes out, leaving you with more what I like to call, "girth". Hence the reason my shirts have shrunk. For a period. After my ribs decompress, I will have a few more options. I hope.

6. The highly controversial topic of breast enhancement gets thrown around with my friends too every once in awhile. Let me re-phrase that. I used to think it was enhancement, now that I have had children I consider it  reconstructive. Seriously, I do. But apparently, that's not the only body augmentation I am going to have to worry about, because my Dr. told Wade shortly after Bode's delivery that there was a good chance I would be needing a tummy tuck after Bode stretched me out like he did. So...Dr's orders.

7. Tessa and I delivered Valentine's to her friends on Monday. This required a little running to and from the car and I was pleasantly surprised that the level of discomfort wasn't to bad. Perhaps I will start next week.

8. T. Jane came down with a fever today, the poor thing was hot, and lethargic all day, and yet pretty pleasant. She found some peace and apparently happiness in the tub tonight, she was in there about 45 minutes.

9. Starting today Wade is off for the next week and half. There have been very  few occasions in our 7 and half years together that I have had Wade everyday for a week and a half. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to spending so much time with him, with our family and for him to have some one on one time with T-Money.

10. Last night Wade's colleagues threw us a baby shower. It was so nice. They had dinner, fun games, a whole treasure hunt and prizes just for Tessa and they bought us a double stroller. Can you believe that? What good people, they have been so good to us. We are blessed.