Hard Things

I had a thought, well a few thoughts the other day as I was watched Tess struggle on her tummy. She hates tummy time, actually, I shouldn't say that. She used to hate tummy time. Now she likes it for 3 0r 4 minutes, then she tolerates for another 6 or 7, then she hates it. I imagine she hates it because it's hard. It requires her to be strong, to use and exercise muscles that are still developing and are therefore weak. It asks that she use her body and mind in a way that she is not familiar with. She finds that if she wants to accomplish the task of retrieving the toy she is going to hove to reach a little further and try a little harder than she is used to, or perhaps manipulate herself in someway that she never has before in order to accomplish her objective. And it's hard. It's hard for her little body and her little developing mind to line up all those requirements and get them done. And I have found that as a mother, it is hard for me to watch her struggle. I find myself betwixt, do I go in and rescue her? Flip her onto her back so her struggle is over? Or do I let her struggle, just a minute or two more, encouraging her, coaxing her along because I know it's good for her. I have the experience to know that the struggle will lead to strong muscles, the ability to flip over and coordination that will be necessary for her later on down the road. I can't help but think this is just a metaphor, a small sampling of my parenting career, I will find myself betwixt with such decisions all the years of her life. Do I pull her out of school because some kids are picking on her? Or do I teach her how to stick up for herself? When she's tired from skiing, do we say ok and go? Or do we do one more run, so she knows she can push herself just a little further? When she doesn't get asked to prom, do I say, babe it's ok and try and convince her it's not the end of the world? Or do I pay a boy in the ward to take her? I imagine watching her life's struggles and watching her go through and tredge through hard things is going to be much harder for me than it is for her. I had parents that seemed to get the balance right. They let me struggle when it was necessary for me to struggle. And they hopped in with the right amount of love, encouragement and pats on the back when that was necessary too. As a result, I can look back at my life experience and know this for sure, that it is often times, the hard things, the uncomfortable things, the things we think we cannot do that most define us, that make us who we are. It is the hard things that build character. I have spent many moments in the last 5 months hoping I had the skills necessary to parent. Now, I find myself hoping not just for the skills, but for the thick skin and a strong heart. I will put Tess on her tummy today and I will let her enjoy it for her 5 minutes and then when she starts to struggle, I will get down on the floor with her and I will tell her she can do it. I will tell her just a minute more, this will make you strong. And then when the minute is over I will swoop in and pick her up, kiss her, tell her I love her and good job. And then we'll try again tomorrow. And hopefully, the hard things will make her strong.